Virgin Suicides

“After all this time the only thing we are certain of is the insufficiency of explanations” -Air


^ Air- "Run" (live at Montreux Jazz Festival)^

"It didn't matter in the end how old they had been, or that they were girls,
But only that we had loved them, and that they hadn't heard us call; still did not hear us,
Calling out of those rooms where they went to be alone for all time, alone in suicide,
Which is deeper than death, and where we will never find the pieces to put them back together " - Air, "Suicide Underground" (Virgin Suicides Album)

Today is one of those really difficult days in remembrance. I have over-analyzed everything for over six years now. Is it possible to heal from a blow so hard? I don’t think so. If it were possible, would I want to? No, I don’t think so. It’s gotten to a point to where I almost want to keep the wound fresh. Its so hard for me to remember yesterday, but this . . . I never want to forget. Him, I never want to forget. I sometimes hold my breath hoping something will happen, that somehow I can change the past. Is this perspective hindering my progression in life? If anything it has only empowered me to live more courageously, more audaciously, more sensually, more. Sometimes you have to lose your sanity. Sometimes you just have to breathe and realize what is, is, and will be forever. You will not heal from this. Ever. But the last thing you want is to let life pass you by. Breathe. Remember. Be fearless. Just Live.